Categories
Game Reviews

Why Pizza Review

(Why Pizza is available on Microsoft Windows.)

-REVIEW KEY PROVIDED BY DEVS-

This is a game about people with long necks delivering pizzas.

Now that I have your attention, I want to talk to you about this game I played recently called “Why Pizza?”, because I feel like it’s one of the weirder things that’s been downloaded onto my computer (maybe I shouldn’t phrase it like that next time. Kinda sounds a bit off putting).

Why Pizza sees you taking on the role of your everyday pizza person as you dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge your way through oddly spaced corridors and perfectly spaced jumps. The real kicker of a twist on the pretzel pizza pie here is that you’re also sporting a long neck, which ends up making navigation much more difficult than it should be. Throughout my initial playthrough, I never found that the difficulty was raised by something like having a long neck on my ketchup-man.

In all honesty, I felt the first run through the game was uneventful and didn’t hold my attention all that well. Luckily, Why Pizza is incredibly short, sporting a run time of roughly an hour for the first play through. This meant that I was actually able to stay awake long enough to see the ending of the game before boredom had the chance to drown me in dreams. 

That isn’t where the adventure ends though, despite what you may think. Immediately upon completing your initial playthrough of the game, you’re granted access to new characters with even longer necks than those that came before them. This made the game substantially harder, and more tedious (I know this because I quit playing after a few levels due to rage), which wasn’t something I was hoping to run into. But that is what one should expect from a game that clearly pulls influence from the likes of Bennett Foddy after all.

“Thar’s diamond in them rocks!”

The control scheme was also all sorts of messed up. None of the button prompts matched what the inputs actually did, and I couldn’t find any form of remapping to mess around with. This was a pretty obvious port of what I’m assuming to be a mobile game, and it certainly shows.

Then there’s the music and sound aspect of the game, which was completely forgettable to me. I mean that as a genuine criticism. As I sit here writing out this review, the task of recollecting a single sound from Why Pizza is impossible. The only thing my brain keeps playing is the Robot Chicken theme song. 

I’ve long outgrown my enjoyment for intentionally difficult games with poor control schemes like the Flash games of yesteryear. Don’t get me wrong, there will always be a place in my heart for things like the Katamari series, but the contrast between that series and this is night and day to me. Something about this didn’t quite hit the mark, which was a shame.

I had hoped for a fun way to relive my day job while sitting in a room illuminated by RGB lighting. 

Categories
Music

SleepYYhead’s “Heatwave” out now!

Check out SleepYYhead’s latest single, “Heatwave”, off of the upcoming album, “Giddy with Despair”. The full length still has yet to receive a release date but speculations point toward an early 2022 drop.

Categories
Game Reviews

Curved Space Review

(Curved Space is available on Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, Windows, Xbox Series X|S, PlayStation 5, and Xbox One.)

-REVIEW KEY PROVIDED BY DEVS-

It’s never fun having a highly anticipated experience fall flat on it’s face, failing to stick the landing you desperately hoped it would land. Such is the case with Curved Space, an admittedly heartfelt attempt at honoring the tried and true gaming genre of twin-stick shooters.

Now I will admit right out the gate that not everything in Curved Space is flawed. First impressions are important things. Nearly as important as snacks on a road trip, or blackout curtains in your bedroom window if you’ve found yourself living in a desert or a space station. Curved Space completely nails it in this department. Upon launching the game, you’re met with this aesthetically pleasing main menu, complete with some fantastically retro, synthwavey goodness. It’s good stuff, and threw me right into that arcade-esque mood of yesteryear.

Neon bullets and bugs abound!

I was quite excited to experience what Curved Space had to offer beyond it’s visually pleasing opening seconds, so I promptly chose start on the main campaign and was whisked away into what was sure to be a one of a kind experience.

…And that’s where my enjoyment with Curved Space ended.

I’m going to be honest here, the voice acting in Curved Space was not all too great. Upon hearing the game’s spoken dialogue for the first time, my expectations immediately lowered. They weren’t the worst I’ve ever heard in all of my gaming experiences, but it was still jarring enough to make me take a second to reassess just what exactly I thought this game was capable of pulling off.

The writing felt serviceable, but also fell flat here or there. When it came to the general dialogue, the story’s main protagonist’s personality came off as bland, flat and without depth. Outside of that, the writing was interesting enough to keep me going for a short while. Conversations about multiple realities and all that good stuff are abound here. Sadly, I never experienced how the whole thing wraps up, as I gave in to boredom long before then.

This comic book stuff looked pretty neat!

And we’re talking boredom born of one of the cardinal sins of games: poor gameplay.

As much as I tried to make it to the end of what was supposedly a 2-3 hour campaign, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The general controls of Curved Space were fine enough on their own, but fine doesn’t always mean good. It means fine, as in, it’s serviceable but it doesn’t really do anything better than other games out there. That often results in boredom within me after an extremely short period of time, and Curved Space was no exception to this.

Maybe some of this boredom and repetition could have been mitigated if Curved Space provided a larger array of objectives for you to complete. The variety of mission types here is abysmal, leading to repeating objectives just minutes in to the game. I’m not sure if the design philosophy here was to create building blocks that sit neatly together to build a more complex gameplay tower later on in the game or not, but that’s the vibe I got from this one. Unfortunately, I think the mark was missed there as well.

Space Donut.

I’m sure Curved Space will find a niche fanbase, as indicated by the numerous positive reviews I read prior to jumping in to the game myself. I can say with utmost certainty that I am not a part of that group, as Curved Space brought five cons for every pro it gave me. As much as it pains me (as my initial excitement for this one was quite high), I cannot recommend Curved Space as something that you may or may not enjoy. In my experience, this isn’t one that I would suggest to anyone save for Gen X dads who want to relive childhood through a modern lens.

However, if you do happen to fit that description, Curved Space might be the perfect game for you.

Categories
Music

Nylon Children – Summer Camp (Out Now!)

Hidden in the shadows for half a decade, the final Nylon Children release sees the light of day. Click here to stream the album, and feel free to check out the press release below for more info on the new project:

“I have a pretty crazy announcement to share this morning! As part of my effort to continually grow and challenge myself as both a creative and as a person, I decided this year would be the year that I finally release Summer Camp, an album I wrote nearly half a decade ago. It’s something I’ve shown to people here or there, but never to a wider audience, as it was mainly written as a coping mechanism after a series of life changing experiences I went through in my personal life. Oddly enough though, I’ve never felt like I could quite let go of those past experiences in their entirety until I overcame my fear and shared Summer Camp with the world. So now’s the time that I do just that.

This comes at a very scary time in my personal life once again, and I feel it’s the most ideal time to release such a project into the wild. It’s also the last project to be released under the Nylon Children moniker. Moving forward, I’ll be producing under a new name, as I feel the current one has served it’s time and no longer captures the same feeling I’m going for in a project title.

Summer Camp will only be available via Bandcamp. You won’t find it on streaming services or anywhere else. Maybe one day that’ll change, but for the time being, wider distribution is out of the question. On the bright side, the album, as well as every prior Nylon Children release will be available for free, with the option to donate if you feel so inclined.

I want to thank everyone who supported the project over the years. It was a fun period in my music journey, but I’m ready to lay this one to rest and explore new sounds in the sonic space.

If you enjoy Summer Camp, or any previous Nylon Children works, feel free to share away! Or get in contact with me and tell me all about your favorite songs, albums, whatever.” -Nylon Children

Categories
Game Reviews

Speed Limit Review

(Speed Limit: Arcade Edition is available for Playstation 4/5, Microsoft Windows, Nintendo Switch, and Xbox One/X/S)

REVIEW KEY PROVIDED BY DEVS

When I hear the words “Speed Limit”, it becomes very difficult to not want to drop everything at that exact moment, book it to the nearest sources of movies in my vicinity, and request an immediate showing of the 1994 box-office hit, “Speed”. One could potentially think then, using the combined powers of deduction and assumption, that I would thoroughly enjoy a fast-paced, high-octane indie game with an ever-shifting set of genres working alongside one another.

That’s what one could potentially think, right? What if I told you that that theory was instead quickly thrown out the window shortly after my first experience with Speed Limit? Here’s my review.

The opening moments of Speed Limit reminded me of the classic flash games of yesteryear. Where you’re given minimal context to anything at all, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights of a plot-free semi-truck barreling right at you. Upon start-up, we’re greeted by a scene of a train ride, with our main character just being a train passenger, passengering about. Moments later, some disheveled, shady as heck looking dude makes their way onto the frame… before keeling over dead. They drop a gun into your lap as they slowly become “aliven’t”, and now you’re the most wanted criminal to ever exist. Better get to running.

What follows is an hour long journey through a variety of different gameplay styles, accompanied by a constant climb in both speed and difficulty. While the game starts you off on foot, pushing you through train-car after train-car at an infuriatingly slow pace (seriously, this guy moves at a snail’s pace), the speed picks up considerably every few minutes. You’ll go from running around in the comfort of your Shoe-baru’s (ha ha) to driving a convertible, to piloting a helicopter, to manning a fighter jet, etc etc. It only keeps going from there.

Now, I’ll be honest with you: On paper, all of this stuff sounds really, really cool. I can’t think of anyone who would argue otherwise. (Maybe an old person, but they’re old so their opinions don’t matter.) Upon execution however, I think a few major missteps were taken, and the end result suffers greatly because of it.

Speed Limit‘s first short-coming became apparent almost immediately after start-up. The second after we’re shown the plot set-up and assume control of the protagonist, it becomes rather obvious that our character moves at an infuriatingly slow speed. Now, maybe this is simply a design choice. It could feel painfully slow as a way to further drive home that feeling of the metaphorical speedometer constantly climbing during one’s playthrough. Sadly, I don’t think it actually works all too well within the confines of the game.

If that wasn’t enough to get me feeling like this wasn’t a good start to the experience, Speed Limit‘s controls in it’s opening moments certainly did the trick. Testing the game on both keyboard/mouse and an Xbox One controller, I found the controls to be pretty hit or miss. I struggled to clear the first area simply because my character would begin to look up while I pressed right for him to go forward. This is an issue because having the character look upward slows him down to an even slower pace than he was already going, making you a near effortless target to take out.

That frustration is taken to an even higher level upon reaching the second phase of the first area. After a short period of running from train-car to train-car, we’re moved to the top of the train where we now have to contend with killer platforms (in addition to the enemies who were already shooting at us). Navigating this area was a nightmare, as the game repeatedly refused to take my inputs into account, smashing me into walls or causing an untimely make-out session with a barrage of bullets.

To top off this cake of conundrums, we have my final gripe with Speed Limit: it’s cameras. Some of the camera positioning in this game is… fine, even great at times. But that’s only sometimes. Outside of those moments, the camera is the worst thing about this game. Having to redo sections of a game due to control issues is something I can tolerate, to an extent. I cannot, however, tolerate a camera that’s been set-up to make me fail.

The first time this becomes apparent is during a chase scene across a waterway, with arches you have to fly through to avoid colliding and, you know, dying. The space you have to clear is pretty small, and you have to be nearly pixel perfect with your movements in order to avoid scraping the walls of the arches. I love pixel perfect movements in games, but only when I can see them. If I can’t see what I’m doing, and have to rely solely on assumptions and luck, that’s a bad thing in my opinion.

This isn’t the only time the camera is an issue either. A later section in the game asks you to control a fighter jet, which I thought would be freaking awesome! It wasn’t. It was nausea-inducing. It’s use of a tunnel-like rotating camera set-up brought upon immediate motion sickness. Bad enough to get me to “nope” the heck out of the game and look away from my monitor. That rarely ever happens.

I went back to revisit Speed Limit a few days after my initial experience, to see if these issues still persisted or if I was being a bit overly-critical in my analysis of the game. The issues still persisted, and they were even harder to overlook on my second playthrough. Maybe it was because I had tried the “normal” difficulty instead of “easy” like I did the first time, but my patience for Speed Limit‘s short-comings was practically non-existent. Which sucks because I love the premise of the game, and was really hoping to enjoy the experience. The pixel art graphics are full of character and charm. The soundtrack had me tapping my foot along to it the entire time. So…

One could potentially think then, using the combined powers of deduction and assumption, that as a fan of both arcade games and genre bending works of programming, I would recommend Speed Limit as a product. However, contrary to potential belief, this is one I cannot suggest based off of my personal experience. As much as it pains me to do this (as it always does), I’ll be giving Speed Limit a verdict of DEFINITELY NOT WORTH ANY PRICE.

Categories
Game Reviews

Two Cent Video Review: Pony Island

(Pony Island is available for Windows, Mac, and Linux.)

Living inside of the Aarcadee Arcade, I’ve seen my fair share of issues in both hardware, and software. But I have never, in all of my years, seen something like this. Pony Island was a game I received back in 2016, but I never had the chance to play it. Now I wish I could go back in time and never pick up this game. The amount of horror and dark imagery I saw tucked within this game’s internals has changed me for life. While it was a memorable time for certain, I can’t really say I would recommend you put yourself in my position. Unless you really want to play a game that will stick with you for years to come.

Categories
Game Reviews

Two Cent Video Review: A Hat in Time

(A Hat in Time is available on PlayStation 4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch, Windows, and Mac.)

Platformers are one of my favorite genres. It’s a nostalgic game genre for me and the games can be laid back, or challenging. But it’s been a long time since I’ve played a good 3D platformer. Luckily, A Hat in Time has come to break that dryspell. It’s a pretty good platformer, and I’d recommend it to any fans of the genre.